a real life conversation using quotes from different movies. only.

khala: must. leave. work

e: it’s 2pm! i’m here til 5:30. i’m totally bailing out at 5pm though. FTW! OI, OI, OI!

khala: haha, i’m leaving at 3pm

e: i h8 u

e: come get me. set my work on fire.

khala: just run. run like the wind.

e: can’t. my feet still hurt. i’m basically forrest gump.

khala: run, forrest!

e: life is like a box of chocolates.

e: it makes me bloaty and fat, and wanna sit on the can for an hour.

e: fuck you, world

khala: hahahaha

khala: stay classy, planet earth

e: go fuck yourself, san diego.

khala: hahahahah

e: i love movies

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prescription medication can die in a fire (alternatively titled: the one with too much information)

remember that time i left work early to go to the clinic, and the doctor totally told me to stop having sex 10 times a day because i’m tiny and can’t handle it, and then i accidentally made my pharmacist think i’m an alcoholic sex fiend, and then definitely walked to B.’s house and high-fived him for breaking my vagina, because he totally broke my vagina?

oh, that was yesterday.

fuck my life.

on the plus side, we watched kung fu movies and ate fuzzy peaches in bed.
such an a+ dude!

earlier in the evening i ordered 100lbs of chocolate frozen yogurt with oreos and went to see the crazies with bizKoti and khala, and let me just say OHMYFUCK it’s so good! i haven’t seen the original, and i mean, it’s a little cheesy and made me think of the plot of cabin fever (also a good one!), but it’s awesome none the less. we all held hands and screamed.

the night before, i went to see shutter island which was ALSO super good! i thought it was a little slow here and there, but the ending made everything worth it, PLUS boston leonardo dicaprio makes me want to do bad things. nom nom nom!

anyway, tonight is movie night in my bed with khala and bizKoti and we’re going to do a bunch of laundry and eat until we crap ourselves.

tomorrow i have a half day and we’re heading to montreal to see some ottawa bands and get shitty with our besties. saturday khala has to buy fabric for work, and then we’re heading home. i have plans to party with bizKoti that night, and see B.

so other than the state of my cooch, everything is totally awesome!

—-

edit:

i just emailed my boss and the word “ejaculation” was involved. why am i so good at professionalism? how do i have a job?

help.

if sex makes you uncomfortable, you might want to leave. also? avatar!

*scene* andy is driving us to the movie theatre to see avatar

me: what are we doing friday night?

andy: i’m not sure… i’m working late. what do you feel like doing when i’m home?

me: well we haven’t slept together in over a week because things have been so busy.

andy: ooooooooh. a sex date!

me: sure.

andy: well, can we watch home alone 2?

me: can you sit on my face? 

*end scene*

there are a few things to mention about this conversation:

1. i have needs, and they will be met.
2. my boyfriend loves macaulay culkin more than me.
3. the first time i asked him to sit on my face, he looked at me shocked, and then totally high fived me. it’s like dating my best friend, only he’s this super hot, funny dude i get to sleep with and high five after sex. plus he’s warm at night and he’s really good at holding hands.

anyway, so we saw avatar. and i’m not going to spoil anything except i have to say that i LOVED the movie, and also this:

… because i’m creepy

real stats, good advice, and a movie review!

brother: we may move shortly after. or we might have a baby?

me: SQUEE! please have a baby asap- my uterus begs you. knock her up the night of your wedding. what better way to say I love you than “sup girl, you are totally birthing my spawn in like, 9 months” then you can high five her. 65% of the time, it works every time.

brother: Hahaha. For me it works 100% of the time, never!

also, i should make surprise greeting cards for the knocked up.

“high five!” (open card) “you’re pregnant.”
“your jeans don’t make you look fat” (open card) “except you’re pregnant”
“remember that time i didn’t get my tubes tied?” (open card) “…uh… i love you?”
“what to expect when you’re expecting” (open card) “hopefully not a divorce?”

sigh.

ANYWAY. the boyfriend and i are finally seeing avatar tonight… at 10:30… on a work night. here’s a big high-five going out to andy’s bullshit 12 hour days! either way, i’m still looking forward to (finally) seeing it.

also, the corner store by my parents’ house rents out movies for $2. so last night, meaghan and i rented i know who killed me with lindsay lohan (attn: spoiler alerts up ahead). i’d like to mention that i’m a big fan of really shitty movies, but seriously li-lo? what the FUCK. i’m pretty sure we had the whole twin stigmata thing figured out like, twenty minutes into the movie. and i’m also pretty sure i said “if scorpion tattoo doesn’t kill her, then piano freak is totally the murderer”. you could have saved me like, 800 gratuitous whore-mouth scenes of you stripping and a whole $2. also your stumps? creepy. i’d like to say that i LOVE the part where your dad, daniel, totally tells you to “SHUT THE FUCK UP, aubrey”. YES DANIEL! i’ve been trying say that for the last 1.5 hours. i burst out laughing. also? the whole twin thing? preeeetty sure you did that before you got tits and lost your virginity. this movie was basically the parent trap, only reversed. with less shots of li-lo grinding a stripper pole and losing her fingers. and fucking a dude who basically never got a boner before.

also:

pops: “is that lindsay lohan?”
me: “yup…”
pops: “do you see her cooch?”
me: “basically”
pops: “slut.”

thanks for summing that up, dad.