okay, seriously?!

should i be concerned?

i think the only people who search this website are punks and sex-addicts!

some of my more popular searched terms that lead to my blog:
“scalpelling”
“denim jacket”
“squirt my cum”
“i can see my boyfriend’s cock growing in his pants”

should i tone down the sexual inuendos? stop swooning over half-naked pictures of my boyfriend singing for his band? refrain from talking about my vagina so much? i feel like i have a little more content in this here blog thingy other than blowjobs, tattoos, and cuming, no?

i almost fell off my chair laughing.

brb, must go do sexual things and then write about ’em.

ps: who ACTUALLY googles “i can see my boyfriend’s cock growing in his pants”?! either this person needs a book on anatomy and a quick lesson on boners, or she is a total hopeless cause.

pps: i realize this post is NOT helping my google search engine from pointing the sex freaks my way.

pps: hi mom! your daughter’s a sexual sadist!

why am i not surprised?

can we all take a moment to appreciate the fact that a search engine term linking to my website was butt fart.

someone actually typed butt fart in their google search bar, and my website came up.

today suddenly just got awesome.

in other less fabulous news, tonight is my last bootcamp session and i’m really bummed. i’ve been feeling the burn, and although i don’t see a difference, i definitely feel it immensely. i won’t be going back in january because my sister-in-law won’t be attending, and i’m obviously a huge wimp and i’m afraid of humans. she’s been a super great fitness buddy though, so if she asked me to join another class with her, i would in a heartbeat. so, someone force me to do a couple of crunches and jumping jacks at home, please? or, i don’t know, give me a couple hundred bucks so i can buy a used stationary bike so i can get fit while i watch my stories?

i hate being broke. thanks alcoholism, homelessness, shitty ex-boyfriends, and unstable living situations! you’re the bane of my existence.

duh, because nothing is ever my fault.

who the hell put sugar in my coffee? my mouth hurts and i’m climbing the walls.

this entry was 100% pertinent.

you’re so very welcome.

end.

my weekend, according to my blackberry

what a whirlwind!

biz, khala, dan and i decided to take a last minute trip to montreal on friday after work to see the no bunny show and hang out with some friends. we ran into a bunch of ottawa friends, i got to see some of my favourite people, and i REALLY enjoyed the no bunny set.

on saturday morning we drove home early, got mc donald’s breakfast, and i spent the day napping. that night the montrealers came over to my house to play drinking-cranium, have a dance party, and get totally silly. on sunday morning howie and i made a huge breakfast feast for all of us

when the montrealers left biz, andrew, zoe and i turned my living room into a giant bed, ate snacks, napped all day/night, and watched movies. it was GLORIOUS.

upside down snuggie

biz & i cuddling

moose and i cuddling

moose and zoe cuddling

…and not a creature was stirring, not even a zombie-demon-cat

i don’t give a hoot!

my lovely friend chloe has (the cutest) etsy shop around! she makes all sorts of fun jewelry, and my owl earrings finally came in the mail! she’s ordered me some more jewelry and makes custom orders. now that i’m stretched out to 30mm, i’ll be stocking up on bad ass ear rings from her!

check her out, give her some love, and place an order! she’s sweet as pie and really easy to work with.

she also ordered me a pair of plain stainless steel 30mm single flare tunnels.

squeeeee!

why i love the internets

because nic sends the sweetest house-warming packages, EVER!

i haven’t had the time (or patience) for a good book lately, and it’s totally been bumming me out. i can’t wait to park my butt on the couch with curlers in my hair, moose the cat at my feet, and tea in my hand… so i can get started on the book she sent me.

you are all sorts of awesome!

much love,

ox

– e

random pictures found on my blackberry

… remember that time:

moose the cat snuggled up to me before bed last night

i was a 50’s housewife…

i found a mystery mattress in the street

i got a blister the size of a toonie on my heel? barf!

i got toothpaste tit before work

howie ate too much

i was a paper bag malt liquor princess

i wore my first summer dress of the season

i was terrified of double-riding with adam

i shotgunned pbrs on katie’s porch in the rain

khala made an amazing pie

i stuck my hand down khala’s shirt

i bought $30 high tops from montreal and then walked in the rain