party til you puke! (no, really)

i got really drunk, then really hungover, then sick with the flu.

i played up my character super well, i totally partied til i puked- only it wasn’t from the three tall cans i drank (…fail?), and i didn’t puke from my mouth. what a bummer. HA! BUM-mer.

ugh.

i went to work for two and a half hours and feared actually mouth-barfing all over my pencil skirt, so i came home and napped for 6 hours. i just want to sleep for like, 4 days.

anyway, i can’t stop whining, so let’s just skip to the pictures

me! as andrew wk

dan and i

the lovely host- julie hope as a zombie mermaid, and her wonderful boyfriend, edward fourty-hands (before the 40’s were taped to his hands)

the after-math!

all pictures (minus the one of julie) by julie hope

(a quick look into) jo’s bachelorette party

i want to make an entire post on my sister-in-law’s bachelorette party (complete with pictures), and i plan on getting into that this week… but in the meantime, here’s a quick look into the shenanigans that took place this weekend:

i pinned a penis veil into jo’s hair

we ate penis shaped cake

we played penis related games

we got bottle service at a swanky club

we drank out of penis shaped straws

we all wore ridiculously short dresses

i stole a 40 of vodka from the bar

there was a female pile-up the following morning

we all woke up with mysterious cuts, bruises, and scratches

so there you have it!

details to come 😉

these are the humans i associate with?!

becca’s 4am dance-time hangouts on top of my fridge… waiting for a bagel

kevin, wearing my snuggie THE WRONG WAY (also sporting my pink leopard print panties)

blackout bizkoti- dead to the world

kevin’s pre-party-bubble-bath

becca and andrew’s post-party-pre-birthday-party nap

post birthday party breakfast- liquids only 😦

kevin pouring beer on his crotch, in fact confirming that yes, this one’s for his homies

the montrealers came in friday night and we went to a show down the street. casey’s band slept over that night and we partied until all hours of the morning. saturday was spent napping and cleaning. that night the troops came over for my birthday party. my engineer friend rob made a double sided beer bong that stood about 7 feet tall. i beer bonged a 40 of malt liquor (didn’t die), danced to new order until 4 in the morning with dan, and ate bagels on my fridge with becca and kevin.

on sunday night bizkoti and i went to modnight. i was a successful night until about 3:30 am. i’ll save you all the gory details but pranks were played, windows were broken, bizkoti almost bled out on my living room floor, ambulances were called, 7 hours were spent in the ER/OR, hospital supplies were successfully pulled from shelves and put into my purse (i pay my taxes, dammit!), my sarcasm was rudely denied by approximately 5 different doctors (the operating room is not a funny place at 6 in the morning- who knew?!), mc donald’s breakfast was consumed in my bed at 11:30am monday morning upon my return, and my back was rubbed until i fell asleep.

it was a 4 inch laceration and she barely missed her achilles tendon and an artery. suffice it to say DIS BISH WAS LUCKY!

anyway, bizkoti is resting up at her mum’s place in the east end of the city, and is under strict orders not to stand on it for at least 7 days. luc was amazing enough to stay at my place, mop up the pints of blood she lost, and take care of moose the cat while i was taking care of bizkoti and robbing that hospital blind. needless to say i made an amazing first impression on my neighbours (who i’d only met a few hours previously), and i totally had to turn the pizza man away (who we’d called on our way back from the bar). bizkoti was a champ though, and mostly held her shit together (until the needles came out), and i’m just happy she’s okay.

although slightly jealous that she’s on bedrest and eating pizza in her underwear, watching cable at her mum’s place for a week straight.

maybe i should start kicking people’s windows in?

i’m only half-kidding.

i have honestly never seen that much blood in my life.

it was some straight up CSI shit!

i am basically horatio.