totally out of left field.

andy and i broke up.

there are too many reasons to list, and at this point i’m just exhausted. although it’s for the best, my heart is heavy and i totally want to throw up. over, and over, and over.

i have some pretty amazing friends who took me out for dinner on saturday, got me absolutely shit-faced (bottles of wine and double gin & tonics?!) and then took me out dancing. it was nice to do the complete opposite of what i thought i would do (crawl under my covers and die)… so they did well. we woke up on saturday, ate some greasy-spoon breakfast and then i went home to watch movies, nap, and try not to cry.

today is harder. it’s back to my old routine, only i’m no longer living with him and i no longer get to kiss him every single day. i have a lump in my throat that won’t go away and i feel sick to my stomach. i haven’t really been able to touch any food (hello liquid diet) and i’ve been sleeping like total shit. i’ve been having really vivid dreams and i fucking hate it.

starting from square one is the pits.


5 thoughts on “totally out of left field.

  1. I’m so sorry, Elle.

    Sometimes even when things are for the best, they still suck ass. And when they aren’t for the best? Well, that’s an even worse load of shit from the butt-end of life.

    Thinking of you.

  2. Pingback: 2010 – a (super long) recap « elle

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