real text message conversation:
me: FUCK. you can drink jello shooters in the shed
gwen: hahaha so much love. i can’t wait to see your sexy body tomorrow. i might steal one jello shooter. just saying. also, jagger bombsssssssssss
me: i made 103 of them, so yes, you can. also yes, bring stuff to make jagga bombs. fucking sluts.
gwen: lol jagga? you jock.
me: i just want to look at my new haircut all day. and flex in the mirror. and bang bitches.